When is it Ever Okay to Talk About Your Ex on the First Date?

asian couple on a boring date

When you’re out with someone you really like, it feels like the sky is the limit when it comes to the conversation. And it is. You talk about everything from your past to your hopes for the future. And, somewhere in there the topic of the ex comes up and someone almost always overshares and it puts a damper on the entire evening.

This, my friends, would be considered a first date failure. The chance of forming a relationship with your date just went down the drain because you were too open too soon.

So is the topic of exes off the table forever?

As much as you want to, you won’t be able to keep your past relationships a secret for too long. Experts believe that there should be a balance of being open and keeping some things to yourself when you are with someone new. We live in an age where we feel like we have to have complete transparency with a partner because there is so much information about stories of partners who lie and cheat on spouses, we want to make sure our new partner knows the truth.

According to a study conducted by Match.com, “single women demand digital transparency in relationships. 77 percent of women would not date someone who was secretive with their texts versus 53 percent of men.”

What this tells us is that as frowned upon as oversharing, secrecy is just as bad.

The best choice is to wait for the right time.

When you share too much information too soon, it will almost always lead to more questions and even breed doubt whether the answers were true; we all know how well things turn out when we are riddled with doubt and we begin to start speculations (hint: it doesn’t end well.)

You may wonder when is the time ever right to talk about the ex, which is understandable. Who really wants to talk about someone who broke you heart or has done you wrong to someone who you want to have some kind of future with? Not many, that’s for sure. You definitely don’t want to discuss a past relationship while you’re drinking alcohol because it will only bring up unresolved feelings and may unleash any hidden feelings of anger or betrayal.

If you find yourself in a situation where the topic of the ex comes up and the relationship is still new, try to figure out a way to answer the question without oversharing and then suggest moving on to another subject.

We all have a past that we cannot run from, even though we really want to. Sometimes we are afraid that our new partners will start comparing themselves to the ex, and that in itself could spell trouble. However, the topic can’t be avoided and it shouldn’t be. Along with timing, the topic should be handled with care. You don’t want your current partner to start feeling jealous and wonder if there is any unresolved feelings between you two.